Television

Posted on 2002/11/17 23:30:19 (November 2002) by john.

Why is it so bloody dull these days?

I've been wondering recently why television is so bad. Is it simply that they're marketing at other sections of society that I don't fit into? Or is it because the people doing the programming are mindless drones, with the originality of a small section of kitchen lino.

It's utter toss, let's face it. I have DVB-T, or "Freeview" as it's now called. I'm meant to have about 20 channels but they're all just complete shite. About five of these seem to be news channels. Thanks for that. One would be enough. As for the rest, I think I can safely categorise all of television into a small handful of tired genres:

Firstly, perhaps my chief gripe, is all the bloody reality TV shows. The pinnacle of cackitude (look I just invented a new word) has to be all that popstars / rivals / fame academy dross. I don't even want to think about any of these programs long enough to write a thorough rant about them, they're just apalling. Then there's all the big brother / survivor clones. There don't seem to be any on at the moment, which is a blessing, but when they are, they're a bloody pain too. I wouldn't mind so much if these sorts of shows were an innocuous little half hour offering at some obscure time. However, with the extra ITV/BBC channels you can probably watch about a hundred hours of this gobshite a week. No thanks!

Secondly, I'd like to complain about UK History. I was really interested when I saw this new channel pop up on my list. However, owing to an administrative error it has been incorrectly named. They meant to call it UK WAR. How many bloody war documentaries do we have to sit through? Yes I know war is terrible, and I have no intention of starting one. So there, I've learnt my lesson. Please stop subjecting me to this now!

Then we've got the staggeringly dreary glut of home improvement "lifestyle" programs. Hey, your life may be banal and futile, but Alan Titchmarsh and his mates are going to come and redo your garden! Or that Llewllyn Bowen tosser is going to be oh so fashionable with your kitchen. So put away the sleeping pills and razor blades! Again, a half hour a week of this kind of TV is acceptable. The endless tirade we actually get, on the other hand, is not.

Next up, bloody talk shows. Why are people so keen to go on TV and tell everyone they're secretly a satanic lesbian who is sleeping with their mother's dog, just so a lot of self righteous uneducated audience members can take the piss out of them? Are other people's problems really a good source of entertainment?

Then there's soap operas. Bloody soap operas. WHAT IS THE POINT? There's nothing imaginative or exciting, it's just very ordinary people dealing with very ordinary problems. Admittedly with a lot higher frequency than "real" people, but still... I just don't need to see it.

Then there's list shows. When they've exhausted all the other boring formats, they just roll out a list of the top 100 boring unoriginal formats with a load of minor celebrities who have an opinion that apprently speaks for all of us about what was cool and what wasn't in 1972.

Even cookery programs, which I actually used to like, seem to have become totally uninteresting. I watched the first episode of Jamie's Kitchen the other day. Jamie Oliver, like him or not, is a great cook and I think quite interesting to watch. His most recent program however seems to have no cookery in it, and has turned into yet another reality TV show about underprivileged (and incidentally very annoying) teenagers being trained as chefs. Great sentiment, but appalling to watch.

Add into this a sprinkling of the cheapest crappest films the TV stations could get hold of, and you've got a lineup of unbearably poor entertainment.

I could go on indefinitely, but I think you get my point. There's the occasional bit of comedy which is worth watching - The League of Gentlemen is, shock horror, actually an original concept, and I find it very enjoyable. But for the large part I really wonder why I'm bothering to pay my license fee. Erm, other than the fact that I work in broadcasting, and so therefore it indirectly makes up part of my wages, that is.

I'm a minority and I want to be catered for.

Posted by Rob Lang at 2002/11/18 09:56:46.

I'm am miner and I want to be catered for. Preferably a finger buffet.

Posted by Arthur Scargill at 2002/11/18 10:01:03.

Rather than slag everything off, why not make some suggestions.

I'd like a channel devoted to Pinky and the Brain and Columo.

What about you John? What kind of channel would you like?

UK Rant? UK Right On? I'm sure they'd give you a slot.

Posted by dsp at 2002/11/18 13:11:42.

I meant Columbo.

Posted by dsp at 2002/11/18 13:12:28.

Also,
Television the drug of the Nation
Breeding ignorance and feeding radiation
- Disposable Heroes Of Hiphoprisy

Posted by dsp at 2002/11/18 13:16:28.

Or if you're really lucky, they might give you a slut.

Posted by rowanboy at 2002/11/18 13:36:58.

Dancer in the Dark was on Channel 4 last night. I think that's the only thing i've actively wanted to watch on television for a long time. Oh, and Rolf on Art makes me smile... and Futurama... and there's that new ITV drama Wire in the Blood. Infact there are a number of shows popping into my head as I type this. It's easy to forget the good ones isn't it. It's like complaining that it rains too often. People never seem to remember the sunny days.

Posted by Rusty at 2002/11/19 14:13:08.

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