Are you happy?

Posted on 2002/12/24 05:25:21 (December 2002) by john.

...and almost as important, does anyone ever ask you this?

Yesterday me and Chie met up with some friends of ours in Okayama, people Chie had been at university with. They took us on a tour of the city, which was very nice, and after that we went for dinner. It was an Italian restaurant, and actually quite good. Before any of you get the idea I'm cheating, I have eaten plenty of Japanese food whilst I've been here - we just fancied a change! Anyway, I digress.

We'd talked to our friends for a while about what they'd been doing since they finished university and so on. It's quite normal to ask if everything is going OK with someone's job, in the same way you ask "How are you?" when you meet someone in the street. But it's almost a non-question, if you answer "How are you?" with a string of complaints, you tend to be frowned on. The expected response is "not bad", or at best a "mustn't grumble". So one wonders why anyone asks in the first place. Similarly, on being asked "Do you like your job?", it seems to be the norm, especially here in Japan, to just respond "Yea, fine", and not make a big deal about it.

I picked up on this, and followed with "Are you happy?".

It's amazing how difficult a question this is for people to answer. To start with people seem to be tied to the protocol of not complaining, so they keep pretty quiet and maybe even try to change the subject. But probe deeper, and you'll find most people are actually pretty disappointed with how their life is turning out, particularly concerning the job they're in. And no-one ever seems to really ask them about it, at least, not in such a way as they want to hear the response.

For many people, it seems reasonable to associate the question about being happy fairly closely with how people feel about their job. It seems to be a feature of our society that our job largely defines who we are. Children are asked what they want to be when they grow up, when what they are actually being asked is what job do they want to do when they grow up. I wonder how many children, when asked that question, simply answer "happy".

The problem seems particularly accute here in Japan, but it is present everywhere. Travelling on trains here, I often go past platforms filled with a sea of unhappy faces. People on their way home from work, late at night, after a long, grueling day. They are not filled with happiness that their day is over and they can start enjoying themselves, but appaear crushed, exhausted and miserable, knowing that they'll go to bed more or less as soon as they get home, and wake up the next morning so the whole thing can begin again. If your job takes over all of your time, but you enjoy it, then that is fine. If you hate your job, but it gives you a reasonable amount of free time which you fill with things you enjoy, then that is also OK in a sense. In an ideal world, you'd enjoy your job and your free time. Maybe that is asking too much. However, I have a worrying feeling that a huge amount of people, especially in Japan, fall into the reamining category of not enjoying their job and not enjoying the bits inbetween, or simply having no real free time to enjoy at all.

I don't know what the answer is. As my Grandfather used to say "them's don't work, don't eat". I'm fairly sure we all need to eat, and therefore we all need to work. I just wish everyone could be happier in doing so. Perhaps the answer is simply that people invest too much hope in what their jobs will bring them, and that it is wrong to assume this is the principle source of happiness. Maybe we should just see a job as a means to an end, a way to get food on the table, something that pays the bills. I guess happiness is a lot more to do with other people, family, friends, significant others and so on. Or maybe it lies somewhere in a wholly more spiritual aspect. Again, I don't know. Whatever the answer is, it remains a fact that, particularly here in Japan, a huge amount of people seem just plain unhappy, and that isn't right.

John, to prevent causing offense you could say you were a Bhuddist and people would be cool about the fish thing. (Of course you would then be asked loads of questions about Bhuddism)

Posted by dsp at 2002/12/27 11:20:14.

Interesting point. It's not often that people ask me "am I happy?" - even Sarah doesn't really ask *that* often. I don't think it's because they don't care, but rather because they simply don't want a tirade of complaints. Like you say, better not to ask...

This was one of the motivations behind starting my LiveJournal. That way, people can make up their own minds without having to go throught the faux pas of actually *asking* me!

Posted by rowanboy at 2002/12/29 20:13:10.

Interesting point, there mate. Having not really had a steady job, I think I can't really comment. I do love doing my PhD: sure it's a real bastard most of the time but there is a great satisfaction when these little dsp-esque networks grow to fit data people say wouldn't work. That make me happy and I know the struggle will make the end seem that much sweeter.

Overall, I am happy but there is always one part of my life that has a grey cloud following me around. Being a seratonin junkie, once I have got it out of my system (through music, art or whatever) I get one with life.

Good point, though, John. Are you happy?

Posted by Rob Lang at 2002/12/30 16:44:32.

Tim, I think you posted that comment to the wrong article! Still though, it's funny you suggest that, as I have considered this. On the plus side from the people I have met, no-one seems to know enough about Buddhism to challenge that statement. On the down side, anyone in Japan who does consider themselves a Buddhist is generally fairly selective about the bits they want to adhere to, and vegetarianism isn't usually one of the preferable features.

Posted by John at 2002/12/31 02:47:08.

That's true of my Buddhist friends too... most of them eat meat.

Posted by rowanboy at 2003/01/02 10:34:13.

I'm happy. I'm a self-contained vortex of happy. I'm an artist making art. How could I not be happy?

Mind you, i'd be equally happy sitting in a tree thinking about monkies...

Posted by Rusty at 2003/01/05 16:27:07.

I'd say I was happy - I have a job I love that does give me a reasonable amount of free time, albeit a bugger of a commute. I also have a wonderful supportive family and a husband I love to bits. But if you took all that away I reckon I could still keep myself happy. I agree that people are obsessed about their jobs, and it sometimes seems as though your job defines who you are. How many conversations have you had like this:

me: what do you do?
person: I'm an accountant
me: ummm (thinking, accountant = dull)

But actually this is all wrong. I know some great accountants, and some really dull people with very interesting jobs (around here its usually the workaholics who are so defined by what they do they'd implode with a pop if you took it away)

People look too much to the external to be happy - their job, finding a partner, having anice car. But none of this actually gives happiness. The only person that can make you happy is you. The sooner we can all figure this out, the happier we'll be!

Wishing everyone a very happy day

alex
x

Posted by Alex at 2003/01/06 13:02:15.

Hence the explosion of weblogs - maybe. I think people become tired of having nobody interested in what they think. So many people are in jobs where any opinion of theirs is considered worthless and only the few "top" people can have valuable ideas. These people have exploded and decided that they can have thoughts and they're jolly well going to tell people about them, or at least tell a website about them.

Of course, I could be completely wrong.

Posted by Simon at 2003/01/15 21:30:03.

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