Plane Journeys

Posted on 2003/03/07 21:55:05 (March 2003) by john.

A testament to the sheer dullness of long-haul flights.

[This was actually written at the start of January, it has taken this long to transfer the file from my PDA to my PC...]

In an attempt to alleviate boredom, I am, for the first time ever, going to attempt to write a maison weblog article whilst on a plane.Please excuse any bad punctuation and so on as I am still getting used to my VERY Japanese PDA.

Plane journeys are dull aren't they? Frustratingly, potentially the most interesting activity - looking out of the window - is no longer possible as all of the little shutter thingies have been pulled down to allow everyone on board the chance to get some awkward,uncomfortable and unforfilling sleep. This has the further knock on effect that, thanks to the misfortune of having been allocated a shutter, sorry, window seat, I am now trapped. Englishness, i.e. not wanting to bother people, will not permit my bladder to expell its contents until the girl in the aisle seat either wakes up, or, perhaps more realistically, abandons the somewhat futile task of trying to lose conciousness, and stops pretending to be asleep.

The Japanese, however seem to have this amazing ability to sleep in the most adverse conditions. For example,yesterday on the Shinkansen it was very crowded. It was standing room only by the time we got on, and there wasn't really any of that either. I am not really that good in cramped conditions, and end up with that Mansun song going round and round in my head. I was utterly wedged between all these people, the temperature was soaring and bizarrely there was a crate of live turtles at my feet.Amazingly the bento woman and the drinks man were still making their way through the carriages despite having to physically climb over people. At every stop, the station staff impossibly managed to squeeze a couple more people on. Despite all of this, Chie managed to get to sleep. Standing up. Now that's a talent. Anyway I digress, although the possibility that I ever had a point in the first place is now a distinctly vague one. I have just been to the toilet. I think this is a good indication of just how dull long distance plane journeys are that I begin to look forward, and even enjoy, these trips to perform bodily functions. It's not just the fact that it's an opportunity to leave my seat, I also relish those brief few moments of solitude, allowing you to briefly forget the number of people crammed into such a small space. That little cubicle becomes like your own private kingdom. The sink an ocean, the counter a vast plain, and the toilet an unexplored chasm. Erm. It appears I've starting bollocks.

A snack just arrived.It was the same choice as my flight on the way to Japan - pot noodle or ice cream. Again the pot noodle was meaty and so I had just ice cream to choose. Not very satisfying! I'm still peckish, and I guess it's a long time until the next meal. We're about six and a half hours into the flight now, over half way, which is encouraging, but then this middle section to me often seems the most drawn out. Having learnt from the flight on the way over, I did at least grab a snack at the airport before getting on the plane this time. A couple of omasubis, Japanese rice balls. Still though,I am peckish. Perhaps it is simply the fact that I am not able to control my own intake of food which makes me hungry. As in, perhaps if I had eaten the same amount of food, but simply had it available exactly when I wanted it, I might not be hungry. As it is, I am eating as and when it is put in front of me, the timings, quantities, and content all decided by someone else. I think most people who normally cook for themselves, like me, find this lack of control a bit frustrating. Again it looks like I may have started rambling.

One thing is certain, despite all my grumblings. It is far better flying with a companion than by yourself. Not just for the conversation, but also the additional comfort afforded to you by not having to stick so rigidly to your allocated space, as well as the simple joy of being able to see at least one familiar face amongst all the unfamiliar ones. Although,for the more vain among us, the latter benefit may also be achievable by the simple act of taking a mirror with you.Additionally, there is something just plain nice about sharing any kind of experience, even a slightly unpleasant one. In an ideal world, you would be able to start up a conversation with whichever stranger is sitting next to you, and as such travelling by yourself could be a very enlightening and maybe even fun experience. In practice though this doesn't seem to happen. I am not sure why this is the case.

It is a while later now. I think there's about two and a half hours of the flight remaining. I tried to watch a film - Insomnia - but got bored after half an hour or so. I am quite hungry now. Clanking noises and slightly unpleasant odours from the kitchen bit give me the impression the next meal is on it's way. I have no idea if this is supposed to be breakfast, lunch or dinner. The time zone differences mean in a sense we've existed in a perpetual lunch hour for the whole journey. I guess lunch makes a fairly good general purpose meal...

Still, I guess in a sense the time must be going quite quickly, it doesn't feel like I've been on this flight nine hours already. However,it must be a testament to how slowly I type on this PDA that,thinking back, I have spent a significant proportion of that time writing this comparatively short article. The film still looks uninteresting.

Where is my non-descript meal?

I have attempted to plot a graph of boredom versus time for a typical long haul flight such as this one using the little drawing utility on my PDA. Here, A and E represent the two main meals, C the snack in the middle and B/D are trips to the toilet. This is intended to be representative only, I actually made more trips to the toilet than this.

Ah, my meal has arrived.

It must be raining. You can always tell when it's raining as John writes another article... ;-)

Posted by tom at 2003/03/08 17:32:08.

Now I have had the chance to read this properly, this is one of your best posts ever.

"The sink an ocean, the counter a vast plain, and the toilet an unexplored chasm."

Is bizarre / extraordinary.

Posted by Rob Lang at 2003/03/10 11:07:57.

Like the article :) Personal fave was

"the simple joy of being able to see at least one familiar face amongst all the unfamiliar ones. Although,for the more vain among us, the latter benefit may also be achievable by the simple act of taking a mirror with you."

good stuff :)
Dave

Posted by Dave Stevens at 2003/03/17 22:46:46.

Well well, finally someone who understands what it means to travel to Asia four times an year, to several locations. The funny side is that when I complain about travellig alone the usual rebutt is "yeah, but you travel a lot that must be nice!"... It would be if i weren't working I guess...

Posted by Lox at 2003/04/14 14:38:18.

hi alll

Posted by hi at 2004/11/11 04:07:22.

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