Who's Going to Win Eurovision?

Posted on 2003/05/20 23:49:48 (May 2003) by john.

Let's cut straight to the really important issues.

It's just four days to go until this year's Eurovision Song Contest, which will (for the first time?) be held in Sunny Latvia. I've taken it upon myself to try and familiarise myself with some of the entries, and try and predict who I think is going to win. Of course, as we all now, the eventual winner will be decided on a purely political basis, but it's nice to at least toy with the idea that the quality of music might have had some part in the decision making process.

If you're interested, you can see a line-up of all the main contenders here, thanks to the BBC's rather brilliant website. There's also video clips of each entry.

The UK's entry, "Cry Baby" by Jemini (who?) sounds oddly non-English to me. Perhaps this was a deliberate choice. However, it's generally a bit non descript.

The Austrian entry, "Weil Der Mensch Zählt", is very querky indeed and performed by some weirdo called Alf Poeir. I saw him on the telly earlier today wearing seven hats. If nothing else the bizarre nature of this song will make it stand out from the rest, and this could well be a surprise hit. I have a horrible feeling the tune is going to get stuck in my head. Well done Austria.

Next up, Belgium are entering a song called "Sanomi", performed by Urban Trad. What exactly a trad is, and why exactly an urban one is preferrable to a rural one is unclear. The song title sounded oddly Japanese to me, although I can't work out what language the lyrics are in. Linquistically speaking, wherever Belgium is concerned all bets are off. Anyway the song is sort of folky, I think there are bagpipes in it, and has a slightly Indian feel about it to me. Not a bad song, but not exactly standard Eurovision fare. I can't see it doing very well.

Bosnia-Herzegovina's offering, "Ne Brina", by Mija Martina, has all the hallmarks of a run of the mill bit of non-distinct euro-pop, and is therefore perfectly suited to the contested. I was oddly reminded of "Doctor, Doctor" by The Thompson Twins. But on acid. The words seem to be saying "Marry me marry me", and then later "Cacky, cacky". Probably very touching if you understand the language.

Croatia, with "Vise Nisam Tvoja" sang by Claudia Beni are combining two old favourite Eurovision tricks to try and get a win. Firstly, a good looking woman in a short skirt. Secondly, a tune that is almost suspiciously reminiscent of an already well known pop song. There's an unmistakable hint of "Hit Me Baby One More Time" in there, and although she doesn't have blonde hair or an overbearing mother (as far as I know), she has a slight resemblance to Miss Spears in that she's only 16 years old.

Cyprus are putting forward "Feeling Alive", by Stelios Konstantas, who is apparently a bit of a Eurovision veteran. He's sort of a Cypriate Enrique Inglesias from what I can gather. I don't personally like the song that much, but I can imagine women will vote for it. Oh, and the Greeks.

Estonia, last years winners, have made a bit of a gamble by calling their song "Eighties Coming Back", which reminds me of a recurring nightmare I have. Still, the singer, Ruffus, seems to have a fairly good voice. The overall sound is very American, it sounds sort of vaguely familiar to several people I can't quite think of. Still, interesting, and it might do well.

France, as always very relucatant to put forward a song in anything but French, have offered us "Monts Et Merveilles", by Louisa Baileche. I'm not sure they ever win the contest to be honest, they have a habit of doing ballady sort of songs like this one which never seem to go down too well. A good Eurovision song really needs to be catchy, which this isn't.

Germany's very upbeat and camp offering "Let's Get Happy" by Lou has all the cheesiness required for Eurovision success. "Let's get happy and let's be gay, all our troubles they will fade away". Marvellous. They seem to know their target audience well, and I would have thought this will get a fairly high score. The video is actually pretty good as well, although as far as I know this doesn't get shown on the night, so might not help them much.

Greece's offering, which before even hearing I had predicted would be inexplicably popular in Cyprus, is called "Never Let You Go", and is sung by Mando. Strange name. I'm afraid I've just heard the lyrics "I'll cry for you, lie for you, die for you, eat pie for you, contemplatively sigh for you" e.t.c. just too many times. It kind of instantly puts me off a song. It's just bland and formulaic I'm afraid.

Iceland, who have the dubious honour of being first in the running order, are set to win the unofficial prize of having the song title sounding most like a dish in an Indian restaurant ("Segou Mer Allt"). It is performed by a band (?) called Birgitta. The lyrics are a bit vague and drippy, but it's quite upbeat and there's lots of real sounding instruments in there so maybe it'll do reasonably well. Given Iceland being the rather marvellous Bjork's homeland, I'm always expecting something a bit more unconventional and interesting from them. This song sadly is very mainstream.

Ireland, who I think have won the contest the most often are entering "We've Got The World" performed by Mickey Joe Harte. I can't help but be reminded of Boyzone/Westlife etc. Although oddly I thought I noticed a slight Phil Collins influence in there. Maybe just the type of microphone they used. All in all, not bad, but U2 have nothing significant to be worried about.

I'm always a little confused as to how Israel qualifies to be in Eurovision, but still, the more the merrier I suppose. Their song "Words For Love", I'm assuming is sang mostly in Hebrew by someone called Lior Narkis. It's fairly bouncy and has an identifiable tune, although is a bit repetitive.

Latvia, the hosts, have entered "Hello From Mars", by F.L.Y. From the title I was hoping for a David Bowie-esque work of near operatic rock, but what we got is, perhaps predictably, a bit of fairly faceless pop instead. I'm not impressed, but then again they needn't really bother trying - I don't think the hosts ever win anyway.

Malta must really struggle to put together a song as only about eight people live there. Their entry "To Dream Again" by Lynn Chircop has a slight Shania Twain feel about it. Maybe that's just me. Come to think of it, actually, it doesn't at all. Anyway, generally a bit bland.

The Netherlands (that's Holland to me and you) have put forward "One More Night" by Esther Hart, which I'm struggling to say anything interesting about at all.

Norway have fallen into the France trap of going for something ballady with their entry, "I'm Not Afraid To Move On". The singer Jostein Hasselgard, seems pretty competent. It feels like it would work well in a musical, but I'm not sure if it's destined for success in Eurovision.

My new neighbour is Polish, so I'm going to be careful not to say anything bad about "Zadnych Granic", performed by Ich Troje. It's might not be poppy enough for Eurovision. There's a slight feel of Meatloaf in there, and if I knew any Polish I have a vague feeling I might end up singing along. Not bad really.

Portugal have provided us with "Deixa-me Sonhar" by Rita Guerra. She didn't seem to have a particularly good singing voice, but this might just have been the recording. It was a bit too Celine Dion esque for my liking really.

Romania's entry, "Don't Break My Heart" is, perhaps surprisingly, the most dancey of all the entries, in my opinion. The singer Nicola has a very American sounding accent. I think this might do well.

Russia's entry, and probably the most publicised, is, of course, from TATU. The song is called "Ne Ver, Ne Bojsia". It continues in their distinctive style (note I'm carefully avoiding saying it sounds the same as the other two songs). It's interesting though that they've chosen to put forward a song in Russian, although they're famous for singing in English in most countries other than Russia, I would assume. Even if you extract from the song the fact it has all the TATU publicity behind it, it is basically a lot more interesting than most of the other entries. I think most betting offices have this entry as the favourite.

Slovenia are entering "Nanana" by Karmen, which has a very American feel to it. It's quite bouncy and slightly catchy. Ok, well a bit catchy. Maybe not catchy at all. It is better than being stabbed in the eye with a pencil then.

Spain's "Dime" by Beth sounds predictably very Spanish, and I have a horrible flashback to "Mi Chico Latino" by Geri Haliwell at the start. I'm sure it would be popular with the Spanish.

Sweden, home of Eurovision legends Abba, are this year entering a song called "Give Me Your Love" by Fame. I thought I could hear some Abba influence in the opening few seconds, but perhaps I was just imagining it. The lyrically integrity is troublesome, and the tune is non-descript. I can't see it doing well.

Turkey's entry is actually quite funky, and is reminiscent of that Turkish bloke's song that Holly Valance covered, that was also used by Graham Norton. The song is called "Everyway That I Can", and the artist Sertab Erener. I wonder if they might have missed the boat slightly though. That chap, whatever he's called, was very popular last year, but it might have tailed off a bit by now. Still, this stands out a lot from the rest, so ought to do well.

Finally we have the Ukraine, their entry "Hasta La Vista" (I don't think this is Ukrainian) performed by Olexandr Ponomaryov has an almost Bohemian Rhapsody feel in the initial build-up, but unfortunately they spoil it with the chorus a bit. Still not bad in places. Might do fairly well.

Ok, so if I had to predict the top five, here's a wild stab in the dark:

1) Russia
2) Turkey
3) Germany
4) Austria
5) Estonia

We'll all be able to tell on Saturday if I got this anywhere near right.

I'm going for Japan as the winners.

Posted by Rob Lang at 2003/05/20 23:57:54.

Greeces guy Mando will probably get picked on mercilessly here in Spain. His name means 'hand' here. Also, the Spanish entry Beth is wildly popular here, having come in 2nd place in the biggest Spanish popstars-type show. But then, I can totally see how her song may sound kind of blah for anyone living outside of Spain. I agree about the Turkish one, it is kind of interesting..

Posted by Omar at 2003/05/21 09:09:16.

UK. Nil point.

Posted by tom at 2003/05/21 09:18:19.

Oops. My bad. Mando means "I send", not "hand". Hand is "mano". Oh well.

Posted by Omar at 2003/05/21 11:02:07.

John, thankyou for dealing with the really important issues of the day. I did mention Eurovision a couple of weeks back, but nobody seemed to want to discuss it. Anyway, I think the Austrian one is superb! Of course, we all know how many points the French will give to us ...

Posted by Jimmy at 2003/05/21 17:44:23.

According to the Latvian Eurovision site's web ratings, there seems to be a general consensus about the probably turn-out of the first two positions. Although we seem to disagree completely after that. Also, I can't quite fathom their statistics.

Posted by John at 2003/05/22 09:04:55.

Apparently, according to this, some tickets are still available. For a scary moment there I felt myself about to do a search for flights to Latvia. What is happening to me...?

Posted by John at 2003/05/22 09:14:14.

Actually, another set of results on the same site seems to conflict with this. A tad confusing.

Posted by John at 2003/05/22 09:19:37.

BELGIUM 2nd
Oops UK nil points

Posted by Trad(itional) at 2003/05/25 14:32:33.

Yep, it looks like I really underestimated Belgium in all of this. Short skirts, transvestisism and removal of clothes (preferably all three) seemed to be standard Eurovision tricks for getting points up until now. I certianly hadn't predicted singing in an entirely fictitious language could be such an effective technique for achieving success. They'll all be doing it next year. In the meantime though, well done Belgium.

Posted by John at 2003/05/26 15:28:19.

I can picture it now - Eurovision 2004 - a stage full of increasingly scantily clad transvestite Russian lesbians all singing in Klingon whilst belly dancing to a retro techno rock and euro pop medley with influences of Bangra, Baltic folk music and celtic harmonies.

It's going to be a real treat.

Posted by John at 2003/05/26 15:34:05.

I just realised that everything I've said on this page, yep that's right, the whole article, is a complete load of rubbish.

Posted by John at 2003/06/05 24:15:30.

Interestingly I don't think it was actually me that posted that last comment.

Posted by John at 2004/08/29 17:07:26.

Post a comment