Bob MorganPosted on 2004/11/17 13:15:58 (November 2004) by john. A musical.
Introduction
History has been littered with great welsh impersonators of international celebrity performers like Shakin' Stevens, the Welsh Elvis, and Tom Jones, the Welsh Tom Jones.
It seemed only natural then to Bob Morgan, a traveling sales rep from North Wales, to dream that one day he might see his name up in lights, following in the footsteps of his idol, reggae megastar Bob Marley.
Act 1: At home
The story begins in Bob's hometown of Criccieth, a sleepy little coastal town on the Llyn peninsula (that sticky out bit at the top), famous for its castle and, errrr, not much else. We meet Bob for the first time in his local pub. It's karaoke night, and he's singing, predictably:
I don't like Criccieth...
...I love it.
But karaoke night comes just once a month, and inbetween, to make ends meet, and pay for endless hair treatments, Bob works as a traveling salesman, roaming the lengths and breadths of Wales, selling a product that has something or other to do with cavity wall insulation, or something.
Act 2: On the road, something irrelevant about Builth Wells
Bob's manager, Derek, is an opressive tyrant, and sends him on impossible marathons, expecting him to travel hundreds of miles a day. We meet Bob again on the road, driving the highways and byways of Wales. Along the way, he passes through Builth Wells, which causes him to burst into song (it's a bloody musical, OK?):
Builth Wells Soldier
Act 3: The sheer unbridled joy of leeks
After a hard days driving, an exhausted Bob decides to stop for the night at a B&B somewhere in the wilds of Mid-Wales. The little old lady that runs it kindly makes him a bowl of soup before bedtime. It is a warm, comforting moment, where a homesick Bob is reminded of his mother's cooking, which of course causes an outburst of song:
Is this leek,
is this leek,
is this leek,
is this leek,
that I'm tasting...?
Act 4: Bob admits defeat
We join Bob once more, much further down the road. He has been driving for days on end now, and has finally realised the schedule his manager has set out for him is just impossible to keep. Defeated and downtrodden, he concedes he'll have to phone to head office and face the music. OVer the phone, we hear Bob break into song once more, with a performance that is deep, moody and full of tension:
I got to Cardiff...
...but I did not get to Lampeter.
His manager, cold hearted and ruthless as ever, shows him no sympathy whatsoever, and simply demands that Bob stick to the schedule, no matter what. Derek tells him if he hasn't been to all the places on the list by the end of the week he's going to get the sack. Bob, knowing it can't be done, feels utterly demoralised.
Act 5: But at least we have welsh cakes...
After a bit more driving, to try and cheer himself up and regain his strength, Bob stops at a little welsh tea room. Another kind little old lady serves Bob tea, and prompts him once again into song with the immortal line "how do you like your welsh cakes"...?
Wi' jam in...
...I hope you like jam in too!
Act 6: Even cold-hearted managers love Bob Marley, deep down
This seems to cheer Bob up a bit, but back at head office, trouble is brewing... Derek has already made up his mind that Bob is going to get the sack, and before Bob has even returned from his trip, Derek sets about clearing Bob's desk. Whilst doing so though, he comes across a record in one of Derek's drawers. Curious, he plays it:
(Some pun or other of "Could you be Loved?")
This brings about a complete transformation on Derek...
Act 7: Come Home Bob
The next morning, thanks to the magic of Bob Marley, Derek sees the error of his ways, and realises he has been pushing Bob way too hard. In an emotional and heart-rending scene, Derek phones Bob and tells him to come home. Bob asks "What about Wrexham?", which was last and most important on his list of places to visit, to which his now sympathetic and caring manager explains he won't shed any tears if he can't make it to Wrexham, through the medium of song:
No Wrexham, No Cry
The finale
The grand finale comes when Bob finally gets back to head office to a hero's welcome. Derek, a new man, decides he's going to turn over a new leaf and start treating his staff better. He even goes so far as to arrange an office party, in Bangor, and the show closes with the whole company singing along:
One love,
one love,
let's go to Bangor and feel alright.
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