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It's not my fault, honest.
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Due to getting a bit to big, the message board has now been split up into monthly archives. Should you for any reason wish to see them you can get to October's messages here. Thanks have to go (somewhat reluctantly) to Rowan boy for pointing this out. Cheers Tom. Alternatively, get a job somewhere where you can dial in through RAS. NICE! (Demon is pretty good BTW) Goldenboy - Monday, November 30, 1998 at 16:46:42 (GMT)
Globalnet is good. Uses both 56k (x2 and k56 flex) technologies along with the v.90 standard all on differing lines it uses the x2 usr modems on the x2 line. The lines usually log on at 46,666 bps, which admittedly is not 56k, but this is no fault of ours. we have 20 megs of god damn space. Infinate e-mail addresses. Unlimited newsgroups (i.e. alt.binaries.erotica.john.hawkins)
a very fast 150 Megabyte link to the states. Cisco based network. The UK leader in I.S.P.s including all telecoms companies. Very nice technical staff who don't take the piss. Have a nice easy to use web site. Cheaper than globalnet. Check it out at www.globalnet.co.uk
ELLIS! Get back to work!
That was well scammed by the Ellis boy. Had me totally fooled. As for ISP's, freeserve is good, does V.90 and is totally and utterly entirely free. Me, Nick and Matt all have seperate accounts so we all get webspace, and they don't even seem to mind that there are 3 people registered from the same (postal) address.
Bastard. You totally blagged me. Nightmare.
I'm hooking up to Demon. Why global? Sell it to me...
(Apart from free hours for you)
Tim:
You might find that the USR Robotics x2 modem is very good and can be connected to globalnet. God Yeah they'll give me some free months if I introduce you.
The message yeah well, you see it was a blag at JH but he buggered off home before he replied. It was a try to cheer up by blag routine (Ver 2.4) Smart weekend, thanks There's a couple of empty teaching positions at
the Blackpool Sixth Form College as I have just finished my last lesson. Thanks for the card and present from all the other staff. Oh sorry, cheers for the lack of card and present. However, By the sounds of things it looks as though somebody else has more of a reason to complain. What's this all about JAE? It would also appear from previous code fragment that Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday are apparent party-dates. Is the true. Who wrote this code. I believe some corrective maintenance work is required.
Eep. Eep. No net connection for a while. Hmmm 56k modems... Nice BA
Well as you can clearly see, I have 2 weeks left at work, and also £1,000 dismissal pay. I have been informed that my attitude to work is not of a benificial nature for the team.
If anyone knows of any jobs going tell me please. I am going to take my last 3 days off as they owe me that much pay.
I'm not in a sulk. I am having an especially nice day, due to the fact, that I had a meeting this morning with my boss, and I have been given the sack.
Why aren't you buggers on campus any more, I could
really do with going to the cedar room or just
anything to get out of this rut but theres no-one
around any more, with
the added specific suckiness of this suck-o-matic
monday morning it all adds up to a whole-heartedly
dismal situation, OH MY GOD THIS IS SO DEPRESSING.
I can still smell that bloody evil frankfurter thing
from yesterday as well. Chance of
sacking off the rest of the day and just going
home: high.
Suck suck suck suck suck suck suck.
Is it just me, or is everyone in an intensely
shit mood? We shouldn't have to tolerate this.
I am officially banning this monday.
Oh well... It'll be christmas soon ...
Hi,
Oh shit, everythings broken.
Ha ha. My evil plan has come into play.
I would like to point out that my keyboard is now working properly.
Go in the corner, cos that's you in the corner, that's you in the spotlight losing your religion
I CAN'T USE LOWER CASE LETTERS BECAUSE THEY ARE AGAINST MY RELIGION. THANKYOU.
Last day Tim, Last day. Just in case you didn't realise. I hope all the girls that you have taught will have nervous breakdowns and cry knowing that there is no more Mr. Hastings.
The plan Tom is to show you the caps lock key, except for that it is a mystery commences (for the usual fee plus expenses)
WHAT IS THE PLAN FOR THIS WEEKEND!?
This is a TESTE.
this is a test :P~
Re: Fog
DSP is available for comment...
John Ogden shut up and have sex with babs. P.s. stop breathing you twat.
Re: The Airbus 320 Billboard Foggy Scenario
Is anyone living today?
Me and the Sports Council quite agree John.
I wish that you would consider regional weather
variations before making sweeping generalisations
like the previous statement. To correct you one
the last, between the hours 6 and 7 this morning
there was some sea mist on the promenade.
Therefore invalidating your previous statement.
Go and think about the potential outcome of your
irresponsible actions. Supose a pilot of an Airbus 320
filed a flight plan to a foggy destination assuming
it to be clear of fog. This might lead to him and his
passengers not seeing many billboard advertisements
on the way, thus hampering our already struggling
economy - you thoughtless BASTARD.
3 Days and counting for Mr. Hastings BSc Hons.
Well at least it isn't foggy this morning.
Yes
Yes
Does anyone know how to spell organisation?
A simple test of a firewall (sorry)
It's so cold in here, it's just not funny.
Nice BA! We're on for the weekend. Oh Yes. OH YES!!
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to
take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I
drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said.
"Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I
think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I
started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was
getting pretty late.
Scrappy no!!! (replace scrappy no with "My email account has been remade, nice one!")
It's all fine from the Reading end too, Cholmeley Road
is ready and waiting.... Friday night activity is optional,
however I'm assuming that if people are travelling they might not
want to trapse (just realised I've never written that word before so
have no idea how to spell it) out to a pub, so
possibly some kind of indoor drinking session
just like the good old days??? Hmmm...
It's all fine from the Reading end too, Cholmeley Road
is ready and waiting.... Friday night activity is optional,
however I'm assuming that if people are travelling they might not
want to trapse (just realised I've never written that word before so
have no idea how to spell it) out to a pub, so
possibly some kind of indoor drinking session
just like the good old days??? Hmmm...
Tim: 5 DAYS remaining.
remember to kill all processes in 5 days.
FAO conz, Flymo, RowanBoy, Si, Gary
Jon Jon with hair so long you looked a bit pervie,
but now it's short,
a bit of a retort,
I think you might have herpie (s)
When your daughter comes home from school, you'll have to fetch her.
If you send an email your life will be nerdier
Uranus is huge.
If you read this message your nose will be wetter.
Ooooh that darn pesky bear's gone and taken my picnic
Which muppet made that mess then?? (That thing below)
I am so bored I have degaussed my monitor six times already.
Tom,
There is a good way around that. It is called taking the afternoon off.
It has benefits as in
1: You have the afternoon off work.
2: You get to drink.
3: You have the afternoon off work.
downsides:
1: You have the afternoon off work.
2: You get to drink.
3: You have the afternoon off work.
Lunchtime drinking should be banned.
testies
LOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
I'm on a course in Cirencester for a week. How is it going?
JON ELLIS!!!! I can't believe it, how's it going dude? oh well I guess could have sent a mail to you but appearing on this guestbook, as you probably all know, it's a matter of pure and total pride (god I must be on something...) Oh well..
Ciaoooooooo (to Jon and Tom)
Come on sparx get one down ya. Come on. I was licking her for half hour and she still wouldn't give me any.
I would like to complain about the use of the word Philipa or the mispeallling AKA flipper, for years I have been tortured by that harse criticism and I find it even more offensive as the owner of this page is a Mr John Hawkins. Pass me a rubber Jonnie
. Do you have a spare rubber Jonnie? Look I can even mispell Jonny. Try at least next time to spell the glorious Philipa Forrester's name correctly you sad load of morons. P.S. you all need girlfriends. Ha ha.
Andrew Grafham is the most stunningly attractive witty individual EVER...
http://www.rdg.ac.uk/~sir98jah/m_home.gif
Very good.
There once was a man called Tom Rowan
Nyup nyup nyup. Now what have we here Bagpuss?
Yes, I have a question for the BBQ Chef... sorry, the author of these pages...
Yes, back indeed, hey everyone, "lets have a lesson one the web"
Tim/Tom/Andy/etc, did you now I put the good old
phrasebook back on the web?? Well I did, and you can
look at it here.
It'll be just like old times. errrr.
P.s. thats what happens when you double click the Add Message button.
TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM.... is it really you??? Its so
hard to tell these days... still got the same
email???
TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM.... is it really you??? Its so
hard to tell these days... still got the same
email???
We are sorry to interrupt this guestbook with
this fast breaking story NORTHERN NEWS BULLETIN
(Relayed direct from the south via numerous mirrors and wooden fire
beacons on the tops of hills). We are recieving
reports confirming that one of Rowan Boy's ideas
has been accepted and acted on my Magic John. The next fews months should be very interesting (Ahh! Get out of the news room Babs)
We return you to your sheduled guestbook...
Could I just say that this is the second time I've appeared on a message board.
No it isn't. (Any more)
DOH! The page is broken!
Check out
I hate working on Fridays.
John, I know. It was a hint to each person's phsychie to go to the page but nevr mind I was only trying to increase the amount of hits you get.
TIMTIMTIMTIMTIMTIM: You don't seem to be very alive at the moment. Are you? perhaps this should be an e-mail but I don't care.
It's amazing what you learn from the message board. I never realised I had a girlfriend - pretty or otherwise.
To Ellis boy: errrr, it is advertised isn't it??
If not then it's here. Please bear in mind that I reserve the right to be a mardy git and fix anything that brakes it (with gusto).
When you say everyone smells and you don't like them does that include me? Your pretty girlfriend?
The wrong answer could involve you being turned into a frog?
John, will you please advertise your add phrase thing, so that we can all really mess it up?
Yes, I've got a fast link NOW, but when I'm on site
You all smell and I don't like you anymore. Here is a picture of a mongoose.
John H,
Do you have to giv Bruce McShit any practical sessions. I bet you do, I bet you love him.
Dear Tom,
Does it matter that it is a bit long with you having a fast link and everything?
I have an extremely fast link. I am smarmy.
Hawkinsy-boy,
Mr Spoons, get serious!
Dear Donny from 'Anti-twat' thank you for bringing to my attention the presence of the new wonder drug you have been developing... I will of course stop my 'smart' drug order forthwith and take all you have of the 'twat' thing...
Get Away from Andy You Bitch
Aye there lad, ye be a salty seadog, do ye not?
Mr Grafham our current records show that you have been using our 'smart' drugs for a number of months, to no avail.
We now have a new wonder drug called 'anti-twat' which works by separating the brain in 2 parts, the reasonable human behavior part and the 'twat'.
How many cartoons of 'anti-twat' do you require?
Tom, is your chair nice and warm? aka Hi there.
Hi Jon.
Hi Tom
Damn! Meesta Hawkins, you are too clever by far!
My Name Is Ali, And I am Cool.
Hmmmm, I am insulting you Mr Hawkins. Because you have a very nice bum
Your page excites and Intices Mr.Hawkins I should very much like to interview you on my show. I will ask you searching questions about the time you were caught with a rent boy before finally revealing to the world that you are Gay...
Andrew Grafham it has been bought to our attention that you have been visiting 'the witch' again...
Please feel free to contact me for immediate exorcism or cleansing of the soul...
Over the last month or so there have been issues with the Network here at PHH Centre, Swindon. Business Systems Specialist Support Staff have been working on the main BCN (Backbone Controller Network).
To upgrade the Network and ensure greater stability, Business Systems have identified an upgrade to part of the system (for the technically minded, this is to replace the BCN Router with a new Xylan switch). There will be an impact of 1 hour to the Networ
k during the time that this upgrade takes place. During this time, it will not be possible to access any Network applications, including systems, printing, E-mail, etc.
This work has been scheduled for 19.00 Wednesday 11 November.
Specialist I.T. Support Staff will be on site during the Network downtime to ensure that this upgrade to our Systems has as little impact to users as possible.
A further reminder of this 'downtime' will be sent by Helpdesk on Wednesday.
Thankyou for your patience whilst we maintain and upgrade this essential part of your IT Systems
Hmmm, I want to be able for my computer to flash up with new mail. Hmmm, Outlook '97. Hmmmmmm.
Pity I can't get it to work. Hmmmmm. COUGH COUGH GOLDEN BOY or any other sibsidary of Knows_How_To_Waste_Time_Getting_Outlook_to_Beep_or_flash_when_a_new_mail_arrives (tm).
Dear Mr A. Dent, after your previous comment about not having peanuts I think it is only fair that at least you have your penis.
God Yeah
You know at www.haggis.demon.co.uk, does anyone else think that picture of Lisa looks a bit too much like
paranoid michelle for comfort??
Ohhhhh.... it was Mr Rowan from the glue factory all along.
And he would have gotten away from it if it wasn't for those pesky kids.
And there is a real www.haggis.demon.co.uk. Nice.
Oi! Fat angus. NO!
I am him whom acts like a haggis on heat. Ock aye.
It's going well. Just spent over a thousand pounds of comp[any money It's a laugh
Alright there Ellis boy... hows it going??
John I am writing.
Angus McHaggis... who on earth are you?? I'm confused.
Heah up lad, I'm Arthur Scargill and I have walked with the miners. You might have seen me in such films as Parliment Today, News at Ten and of course "Mrs T. The Wonder Years". I am here today to tell you of the plite of the rare big breasted woman. H
mmmm, big breasted women.
SHIT!
The world is about to end (apparently) and I don't have any peanuts.
I've got a new desk and a new mobile phone (that works - 'bout time).
I have not had any of Raj's children, and have not experienced AndyG's
alledged 21 incher. Indeed, everything is looking rather rosy.
So there.
I am dead. Bloody long time it took too.
dear mr.Grafham it seems in your haste to get your new 'new blow up partner' home you seem to have left your yellow bikini briefs in the changing room... Could you please reclaim them asap, sorry for the mix-up.
Hey Johnny baby! I miss you..where are you I want your babies NOW!!!
I think I should explain how he managed to destroy the economy. It is very simple his simple num -> num -> num expressions in functionality did not take into accout the various exchange rates between different country's monies. Therefore the dollar bec
ame the same value as the pound, the pound the same value as the franc. The Italians became extremely wealthy. The mob bought America the next day. This started it all.
John, listen, I am you, well you from the computer to be precise. I have had to come back to the past to kill Mr. Ali Abdullah, you see in a few years time (1/4/2004) to be precise the world changed. Ali used his mighty power to destroy the economical
climate sending the whole world into a massive depression. How I will explain later. I have come from the year 2007 where we have worked out how to travel back trough time, well it isn't travelling back it's just letting the time pass around you instead o
f pulling you into the future. It was decided that any future would be better than this oneo and due to a rethinking of how time travel wors the paradox itself cannot occur, because paradoxs only occur due to time travel, but due to me travelling back in
time to kill Mr Abdulah time travel wasn't needed in the future, as there was no Ali Abdullah to kill and so I could not cause a paradox because there was no paradox there to cause. You have to help though as even though I have travelled back in time I ca
nnot be seen, due to being in a different time frame to you in simpleton terms I am working at 30 fps while you work at 25 frames per second. This is a side affect of time travel because time tries to send me back to my own time. As well as not being seen
I also cannot hold a weapon, this is because of time trying to push me forward again, it also will try and push forward the weapon. Things of differing time frame rates are a bit like trying to get a NTSC and VHS video to work together. I need you to kil
l him for me.
it is ELLISJ@cendant.co.uk
I am at work in an office. Hmmmmmmm, bored.
I'm behind you
Dear Mr.Grafham we are pleased to inform you that your blow up 'play mate' has arrived. Please accept our sincere appologies for the delay as manufacturing the deluxe model takes time.. Enjoy!
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