At last, a reply from the Writersroom...!

Posted on 2006/08/08 10:17:41 (August 2006).

Here is the letter I received from the script assistant of the Writersroom. (I thought it proper not to mention the full name of the assistant in question)

Dear Donald
Thank you for sending us you script The Syrian Summer, which we have now read and return, enclosed. I include below our reader's comments, which I hope may be of some use to you.
This is an intelligent screenplay that attempts to contextualise the political thinking of pre-war youth in light of our more contemporary understanding of cultural diversity. It also provides conflicting voices representative of many of the original justifications for the situation in Europe and the Middle-East as it is today.
However, the three elements of this script, the political polemic, the drama and the romance, do not mesh as integrally as they need to in order for this to work as a film. The script is in places, too verbose, too sentimental or too melodramatic. Though the characters are strong the structure of this screenplay needs work, as does the narrative style, though in light of the fact that this is the writer's first script I suggest that these skills can certainly be developed with practice.
I'm sorry we aren't able to discuss your script in any more detail. Good luck with your writing.
Yours sincerely
S. P.
Script Assistant Writersroom

Perhaps you'd like to know that my script went up to step 4 (which is, if not a great achievement, at least encouraging).

Step 3 - Script sifted
Our readers sift all eligible scripts by reading the first ten pages in the first instance. If the script shows potential, it will be given a full read. If not, it will be returned to the writer without any comments – this tends to be the case with a substantial proportion of unsolicited scripts.
Once scripts are returned we cannot enter into further discussion with the writer.

Step 4 - Script read
When a script is given a full read, it is assessed by our readers for the potential of the writer. If a script doesn’t merit further attention at this stage, it is returned to the writer along with the reader’s comments.

Step 5 - Invite Next
When a script shows promise but the writer isn’t yet ready for further development, we may ask the writer to send in their next original script and their progress will be monitored.

For more details click here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/writing/writersroom_flow.shtml

Well Sheri, maybe not exactly the answer you were hoping for, but it does sound promising!

Does their feedback make complete sense to you? Do you agree with it? For example - they said the script was too verbose / sentimental/ etc in places - do you think you know the bits they're referring to, and would you be happy about changing them?

It sounds like with some revision you could be onto a winner! I'm no expert but I imagine this sort of thing is very normal - you often hear script writers talking about how the film that finally got made had almost no resemblance to the original draft!

Presumably even if the writers room won't accept a re-submission at a later date, then there are other similar places you might be able to send the new, improved version 2 script to?

Posted by John at 2006/08/08 24:49:19.

Now you see Sheri, the reader at the BBC has the temerity to use such a word as "contextualise" which any right-minded English speaker will recoil from instantly. Who is he/she to judge if they use such words!!??

(This is just my own opinion of our language - I dislike Americanisms or other adulterations. Words like "Proactive", "Conceptualise", "timously"... Yeuch!)

Posted by Nigel at 2006/08/08 13:41:15.

I believe Chaucer used the word "proactive" in his Canterbury Tales. Although that may be in the unexpigated version, including a passage cut from the final draft where he meets a management consultant.

Posted by John at 2006/08/08 14:31:51.

John, Nigel. Thanks for your support. I'd say the Writersroom feedback is on the whole pretty fair. I had in mind to revise the script, but I think I'll let it rest for a couple of months. J'ai plus d'une corde à mon arc... (I have more than one string to my bow) as I already wrote another script which I intend to send prochainement. Nigel, are you still on for another review ? There is no hurry this time. It's entitled My Grandfather's Diary

Posted by Sheri at 2006/08/08 21:09:31.

Is the new one fact or fiction, Sheri? Yes, I'd be happy to read it! As I mention in my blog I'm due to be off work for two weeks from this coming weekend, so should have some spare time! :))

Posted by Nigel at 2006/08/08 22:29:25.

Fiction. But I have to work on a new geographical framework and change a few things regarding the nationalities of my characters. I'll give you the text bit by bit, every ten pages, if it's all right with you.

Posted by Sheri at 2006/08/09 07:05:22.

No problem Sheri. However it comes! :))

Posted by Nigel at 2006/08/09 08:53:55.

Hi Sheri,
The good news is you finaly got a feedback from these guys and they went through your script. Let's hope that the next one will pass step 5; if not, never 2 attempts without 3rd one (at least in French)... What are Christelle's comments on this? Could she maybe help you? At least to avoid the narrative style.
By the way, is the next script based on what you got back from your grandmother's place and the work of your own grandfather in Egypt?

Vincent,

Posted by vincl at 2006/08/09 09:52:45.

Salut Vincent,
The next script is pure fiction, nothing to do with my own grandfather. It's about a 14 year old boy who inherits a house and a diary from a grandfather he has never met. The diary leads him to a 'treasure'...
I'll ring you tonight or tomorrow.

Posted by Sheri at 2006/08/09 14:30:33.

Now you see Sheri.. You are going to have to tell us more about your *real* Grandfather in Egypt!! :))

Posted by Nigel at 2006/08/09 14:37:04.

I didn't know him well. Not enough to tell you much about him...

Posted by Sheri at 2006/08/09 18:56:20.

Well I cannot write as much as I would like to as I must be quick in this internet cafe, but it's good that it went straight to step 4, keep on at it! I'll write more when I come back.

Posted by Lox at 2006/08/09 22:13:21.

Thank you Lox. Say, now that you are in Guadeloupe, how is it getting on with your French ?

Posted by Sheri at 2006/08/10 17:01:26.

TERRIBLE, but I am trying.... :)

Posted by Lox at 2006/08/11 22:46:37.

So Sheri, when are we going to hear about your holiday? I've been checking patiently every day on my way into work...

Posted by John at 2006/08/17 01:00:49.

Ok, first pics tonight, I promise.

Posted by Sheri at 2006/08/17 24:52:45.

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