Lorenzo Pirisino
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On Friendship

Posted on 2006/11/22 08:26:25 (November 2006).

[21 November 2006]

Three days till my next trip to Japan, finally the fridge has been installed in the new house and from today I am technically living elsewhere in Florence.

This is the first time that I actually live by myself in my own place in Florence, I have done so all around the world but not here.
Taking the last things from my mother's house and leave was not easy, it's a period of my life that draws to an end and another that begins somewhere else.

All in all it was a quite eventful day though, apart from the usual job related problems, in the evening we were meant to see each other with the famous group of friends with whom we play Role Playing Games.

In the last three weeks we couldn't play, mostly because the person responsible for the adventures decided not to show up for two sessions in a row, didn't call for two weeks, and was not available at any known contact.

On the top of the behavior that it's totally unacceptable, as without him we cannot play, while if any of the players is missing the adventure can go on, we were quite worried that something happened to him.
Fortunately we managed to get a message from him, and a couple of pointless phone calls, so we knew he was alive.

Anyways we decided that maybe it was better to change the master, and let it do it to someone that was more reliable, but tonight the person in question decided to come (2 hours late), and was quite shocked about the fact that he wasn't in charge anymore.

A massive discussion started, not only he didn't apologize for his behaviuor but he started feeling offended about the whole thing as if nothing had happened.
The funny thing is that all the points that brought us to decide that maybe it was better to change person, were quickly taken back by every single member at the table ("I wasn't here that night", "I didn't want to do it" etc etc). Eventually he moved the target of his wrath on me, hinting that it was surely me that misteminded the whole situation.
I kept my mouth shout, as if I open the dam, too much water would flood the valley, but neither one of the other people raised the hand to say that what we were discussing about had been decided unanimously.

In the end we went back at playing the former adventure, although we did stress that the situation was not acceptable.

I left the room at the end of the session with a very bad feeling, I think that the friends that once were are now gone and probably I shouldn't expect anything from them, or at least I shouldn't expect the same treatment that I am prepared to give them.

To me this is a very sad realization, they were entities in my life that I thought I could count on, but it doesn't seem that way anymore.
It all degraded to a sort of "if it pleases me, if it works out with my schedule" game, where basically you are remembered if there is a convenience in the other party to do so. I have lost so many friends because of the choices that I have made (mostly living abroad and moving a lot), and every time I felt like that, a rag. I really put a lot into friendship and it hurts double bad when things like that happen.

After today, after this other reality bite I am starting to think maybe I am mistaken, maybe it's time for me to change too...

Comment 1

Hi Lox! Hmmm - a tricky one, but I know eactly how you feel. I did much the same when I moved to Oswestry, 150-miles from family and friends. You are right, we all change as we get older. I was always the one to "make the effort" but now I don't bother. We all email and write and phone and text when we can, but although people say that I must visit them all the time, no one has actually visited me here.

But... I am quite self-sufficient. Poor (in the bank-account sense!) but self-sufficient! (One of my friends is a millionaire by inhertance; one is a National Youth Rugby coach and Commodities trader; one a Self-Employed Driving Instructor. As you can see none of them is into IT/Computers or Customer Service...

We are all different which is good for me, but a bit alienating at times.

However, it is all "Character Building" and I have a good woman and kids. :)))))))))))))

Posted by Nigel at 2006/11/22 09:25:52.

Comment 2

Probably, they aren't the unique friends that you have in Firenze. Anyway, you are a "merdaccia".

At our age, I suggest you to disintoxicate from "role playing": what kind of role play are you doing now? Surely, it's "pacchiano".

Last but not least, I read that you are doing some steps...I hope to receive an invitation for the marriage.

Good luck my old, dear friend!

Posted by Jack at 2006/11/22 16:35:38.

Comment 3

Jack!! Long time no see... Well well well, Merdaccia could go both ways, as I didn't call, that is a fact, but neither have you!

As for the invitation I think it's too early to talk about it, but you are on the list should I get married in the future..

What are you doing at the moment? Did you manage to open the new store?

Posted by Lox at 2006/11/22 17:09:15.

Comment 4

Are you, always, wired?

Anyway, I disagree: merdaccia is just "one way".
I tried to call you 2-3 weeks ago. Your mobile was unavailable....

Sure, I am in charge to open new stores.

What about your new business?

I have to admit that, every times, I read your blog I envy your english...;-) I feel me very "pacchiano".

Call me merdaccia! I hope to see you before Christmas.

Posted by Jack at 2006/11/22 17:34:20.

Comment 5

Hi,you really come to Japan??

Posted by Jun at 2006/11/22 17:39:53.

Comment 6

Jack: I am leaving for Japan on Saturday I will be back on the 16th of December we can write a couple of mails if that is ok with you. Please send one to the address written on my page, and we'll talk from Japan. Then when I am back we can meet of course!

Jun: Yes I am coming, I was planning to give you a call when I am there!

Posted by Lox at 2006/11/22 23:14:32.

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