Posted on 2010/01/08 23:36:39 (January 2010).
[Friday 8th January 2010]
There you go, it seems that the last part of 2009 and this beginning 2010 had to be stamped with the mark of diseases and generally feeling shite.
As it seems I have got the "other" form of flu that is going around now, much lighter than the precious one that I have had, but still enough to prevent me from going out today and probably for the rest of the weekend.
I really hate being sick, that it's pretty common I am sure, but I doubly hate it when it happens on holidays and when I really do not feel terribly wasted, but it's rather a mild form of nausea/headache/weakness that makes me feel as if I could do anything I want but then in reality I can't.
Met a friend from my first company, Marco, we managed to keep in contact through the years, and since it was a long time since we didn't see each other we met at my place to talk about several things. It turn out that he's doing a great job at making sushi (yes you read correctly!), self taught but now at a level that it's extremely advanced from what I could see. Will try to make something together, maybe for some parties or simply for a dinner with friends, it would be nice.
I find that more and more I am looking at external hobbies (such as cooking for me) as a possible escape from the shaky ground where I am stuck at the moment at work, I know that anything that springs to mind is completely absurd but it keeps the hope alive that there can be something better in the future, out there.
Certainly the moment that we are living is not helping, my scope at work is limited to the end of the month, this means that any important decision such as buying a house or something like that gets postponed indefinitely, which in turns puts stress on a lot of other things.
What am I going to do with my life? Where do I want to go, how do I see myself in 10 years?
I met Marco 10 years ago, I just came back from Uni, I wouldn't even dreamt, at that time, that I was going to become a solitary international traveller all around Asia...
So in a way there is no point in trying to envisage myself in 10 years time, I must certainly hope to be alive (if the decade starts with so many illnesses I wonder...), but as to the other questions it's not good to try to answer because if I have learnt something since I left Italy when I was 18 is that life is totally unpredictable and that any attempt at making plans is just wasted time.
Maybe it's not always like that, or maybe it's exactly where I failed to become the "Miller" or the "Cromwell" mentioned by Gray in his Elegy written in a Country Churchyard when he speaks about the people from the village buried in the churchyard and about the potential that they never managed to get out (by becoming great poets or politicians, i.e. to have success).
Some village Hampden, that with dauntless breast,
The little tyrant of his fields withstood,
Some mute inglorious Milton here may rest,
Some Cromwell, guiltless of his country's blood.
and with this last thought I leave you today!
A slightly "downbeat" start to the New Year then Lox!
I find that one of the down-sides to growing older is that you have more experience, more memories of what might have been. Sadly that's no good at all because it prevents you from looking onward and upward! You feel weighed-down by what might have been.
I'm beginning to realise that what is gone, is gone. I am no great success so far, but it's better than a lot of fates out there!
So smile and keep going!!! :-))))
Posted by Nigel at 2010/01/09 10:18:21.
Nigel: Yes it's true, but the fact is that probably I still live under the heap of expectations that my family put on my shoulders since I was a kid. To be fair the pressure is now gone, I made my choices and went on with life, but at the back of my mind there is still that sense of what everyone expected me to be and what in reality I am not.
In Italy coming from a family of doctors and professors (all self made men and women, not a glimpse of recommendations in their career, which makes things even worse!) meant that as a first born you had certain "obligations" that for example my sister never really had... Oh well life goes on, the flu is probably dampening my spirits!
Posted by Lox at 2010/01/09 12:25:01.
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